September 24, 2013
Secret's out.

Have to post this from my other tumblr because it’s insane. 

July 18, 2013
Now Art, Former Man Hopes to Find Appreciation in Gallery
Peter Hastings Falk, an art historian, yearns to hang on a gallery wall amongst his “true brethren”.

Now Art, Former Man Hopes to Find Appreciation in Gallery

Peter Hastings Falk, an art historian, yearns to hang on a gallery wall amongst his “true brethren”.

May 15, 2013
Embracing Role as Conscience, Clinton Hits Persuasion Circuit
Bill Clinton materializes on the shoulder of an ethically-conflicted vigilante. He offered a detailed and spirited defense of sparing his foe’s life. “The test is not whether you think everything’s hunky-dory, it’s whether stooping to the colonel’s level will bring your family back,” Mr. Clinton said. 

Embracing Role as Conscience, Clinton Hits Persuasion Circuit

Bill Clinton materializes on the shoulder of an ethically-conflicted vigilante. He offered a detailed and spirited defense of sparing his foe’s life. “The test is not whether you think everything’s hunky-dory, it’s whether stooping to the colonel’s level will bring your family back,” Mr. Clinton said. 

May 8, 2013
Unsolved Mysteries: 
Chinese Leader’s Long Absence Stokes Rumor Mills
A newspaper ran a photograph on Monday of Xi Jinping, center, hours before his mysterious disappearance.

Unsolved Mysteries: 

Chinese Leader’s Long Absence Stokes Rumor Mills

A newspaper ran a photograph on Monday of Xi Jinping, center, hours before his mysterious disappearance.

March 1, 2013
POPE RESIGNS, IS LAUNCHED TO POPE MOON COLONY
Lack of Colony Upkeep, Questions Around Existence of God Pose Challenges
Pope Benedict XVI tests his Pope-Thrusters before liftoff. “To Heaven!” said Franco Camaldo, a papal aide.
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POPE RESIGNS, IS LAUNCHED TO POPE MOON COLONY

Lack of Colony Upkeep, Questions Around Existence of God Pose Challenges


Pope Benedict XVI tests his Pope-Thrusters before liftoff. “To Heaven!” said Franco Camaldo, a papal aide.

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Follow White-Out News on Facebook here 

November 14, 2012
ROMNEY LAUNCHES 2016 PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN, HAS YET TO MASTER HUMAN “HAND-SHAKING”
Voters of the Future: Ohio residents back away as Mitt Romney, who launched his 2016 presidential bid today, approaches.

ROMNEY LAUNCHES 2016 PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN, HAS YET TO MASTER HUMAN “HAND-SHAKING”

Voters of the Future: Ohio residents back away as Mitt Romney, who launched his 2016 presidential bid today, approaches.

November 2, 2012
AFTERMATH OF HURRICANE SANDY:
Sailing the Dog
Jill Frisard motored along on her raft of animal cages in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.
———————
ALSO: 
You can give $10 to the American Red Cross by texting “redcross” to 90999. They’ll ask you to confirm and you just text back “Yes”. Super simple. You can also sign up for volunteer shifts here. Hope everyone out there’s doing okay.

AFTERMATH OF HURRICANE SANDY:

Sailing the Dog

Jill Frisard motored along on her raft of animal cages in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.

———————

ALSO:

You can give $10 to the American Red Cross by texting “redcross” to 90999. They’ll ask you to confirm and you just text back “Yes”. Super simple. You can also sign up for volunteer shifts here. Hope everyone out there’s doing okay.

October 18, 2012
DEBATE NEWS:
Alternate Reality Debate Fails to Produce Clear Sacrificial Candidate
Photo: Mitt Romney, left and Barack Obama, both of the Birdlord Parallel Universe, debate why they would make the ideal virgin sacrifice for their Bird Overlords

DEBATE NEWS:

Alternate Reality Debate Fails to Produce Clear Sacrificial Candidate

Photo: Mitt Romney, left and Barack Obama, both of the Birdlord Parallel Universe, debate why they would make the ideal virgin sacrifice for their Bird Overlords

October 16, 2012
Thing X launches today and I am very excited about it.

Hello all!

I wanted to let you know that the website I’ve been working on for the past 4 months launches in a mere hours 15 hours from now! It’s called Thing X, and the staff is a bunch of great, hilarious idiots, most of whom used to work for The Onion. I’m as proud as a proud father who spent the last four months building his baby. Here’s what Splitsider and Gizmodo make of it.

Come on by! Meet the Staff. Register for access to Extra Special Content™. Weigh the cons and pros of the national increase in bear mating that we’ve caused, see if you might be eligible for a settlement from using the site, follow us on tumblr and as we live-tweet the debate tonight! And most importantly, keep giving us your precious, precious clicks.

Doodled-on newspaper pictures will return tomorrow.

Smooches all around,

Sascha

October 12, 2012
VP Debate: A look back at the real power behind Paul Ryan Ryan’s Son Vows to Deliver Country From Evil
Threats to voters “Ensorcelled” by Obama
Photo: Charlie, Paul D. Ryan’s son, celebrates onstage after Mr. Romney accepted the Republican nomination

VP Debate: A look back at the real power behind Paul Ryan

Ryan’s Son Vows to Deliver Country From Evil

Threats to voters “Ensorcelled” by Obama

Photo: Charlie, Paul D. Ryan’s son, celebrates onstage after Mr. Romney accepted the Republican nomination

October 2, 2012
Ahmadinejad at it again:
Summit Meeting in Iran Disrupted by Unauthorized Boombox
Sting, LMFAO and Linkin Park, Plus Virulent Racism, Catch Hosts Off Guard
Photo: President Mohamed Morsi of Egypt, right speaking on Thursday in Tehran with President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, center, causing a characteristic disruption

Ahmadinejad at it again:

Summit Meeting in Iran Disrupted by Unauthorized Boombox

Sting, LMFAO and Linkin Park, Plus Virulent Racism, Catch Hosts Off Guard

Photo: President Mohamed Morsi of Egypt, right speaking on Thursday in Tehran with President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, center, causing a characteristic disruption

September 24, 2012
ROMNEY REVEALED:
Dissecting Romney’s Dickish Beginnings at Stanford
Mitt Romney in 1966, protesting against other students at Stanford University who were upset with his unrelenting, tone-deaf lack of empathy. Mr. Romney spent one year at Stanford.

ROMNEY REVEALED:

Dissecting Romney’s Dickish Beginnings at Stanford


Mitt Romney in 1966, protesting against other students at Stanford University who were upset with his unrelenting, tone-deaf lack of empathy. Mr. Romney spent one year at Stanford.

September 18, 2012
White-Out News Is Back! Romney tries to appeal to yokel voters he offended with his 47% comments: 
ROMNEY AND WIFE DON HUGE PANTS AFTER REQUESTS
Wife Gives a Spirited Address — ‘We Are One Big Fat Man’
Photo: Mitt Romney’s wife, Ann, joins him in a pair of novelty-sized pants to highlight Romney’s ‘Zany sense of humor’.

White-Out News Is Back!
Romney tries to appeal to yokel voters he offended with his 47% comments: 

ROMNEY AND WIFE DON HUGE PANTS AFTER REQUESTS

Wife Gives a Spirited Address — ‘We Are One Big Fat Man’

Photo: Mitt Romney’s wife, Ann, joins him in a pair of novelty-sized pants to highlight Romney’s ‘Zany sense of humor’.

September 13, 2012
A poem from the pages of ‘Pendulous Breasts Quarterly’…

White-Out news returns very soon!

In the meantime, please enjoy this poem by Gary Oldman, courtesy of Literary Magazine and White-Out News supporter Pendulous Breasts Quarterly

pendulousbreastsquarterly:

March 29, 2012
DNA TEST REVEALS CONJOINED TWINS
With DNA Testing, Suddenly They Are One Person, Basically
Khrys Vaughan, left, of the same body as Jennifer Grigsby, after a DNA test revealed that they are conjoined twins.

DNA TEST REVEALS CONJOINED TWINS

With DNA Testing, Suddenly They Are One Person, Basically

Khrys Vaughan, left, of the same body as Jennifer Grigsby, after a DNA test revealed that they are conjoined twins.